


Bittersweet Future

by braverose



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blow Jobs, Canon Universe, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Oral Sex, POV Second Person, Porn With Plot, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:40:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29097450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/braverose/pseuds/braverose
Summary: Zeke and you have liked each other for a while, but never really talked things out. The day he leaves to Paradis Island, you’re afraid of the possibility of him never coming back, but when he does, you both have the opportunity to talk about your feelings. Still, you can’t help but wonder, is it worth having something with a titan shifter with only five years of his life left?
Relationships: Zeke Yeager/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 99





	Bittersweet Future

**Author's Note:**

> i’ve been thinking about zeke a lot lately and came up with this sooo hope you enjoy it (.❛ ᴗ ❛.) i’m still getting familiar with writing smut, keep that in mind whoops  
> disclaimer: i don’t own attack on titan  
> note: english isn’t my first language  
> if you like this please let me know by leaving kudos or comments!!

You’re starting to worry, even when you knew from the start he isn’t going to come back soon. Zeke left to Paradis Island two weeks ago, and you were foolishly expecting him to be back soon, but of course that isn’t going to happen. Hell, you still don’t know a thing about the four Warriors who went to the same place four years ago. But then again, they aren’t Zeke.

You aren’t even sure about how to define your relationship with Zeke Jaeger. You’ve been a Marleyan wannabe solider since you were a child, but you’re really indifferent when it comes to war. You never truly bought the story the Marleyans tried to get through your skull about the Eldians being monsters, demons or whatever, but it isn’t like you’re in the position to complain either.

Overall, you’ve just never digested well the fact that, as a soldier, you had to kill people – hell no one really does, but in your case, you couldn’t ever get used to it. It makes you sick. Incredibly so. So as you grew up, you just opted to take up medicine and dedicate your life to heal people instead of ending their lives. As years went by, you became incredibly good at your job and your superiors assigned you to attend the Warriors.

That meant you had to learn about how to treat freaking titan shifters in case they weren’t able to use their own healing capacities because of whatever reason. You’re also the one who suggested to get Pieck crutches because you suspected from the start she wouldn’t be able to walk normally after spending more than a week as the cart titan.

The moment you started being close, so to speak, with the Warriors who stayed in Marley, was when your sort of relationship with Zeke began. He isn’t someone to speak a lot, but when he doesn’t like someone, it shows, and it has never been your case. He made clear from the start that he isn’t bothered by your company, and you little by little started to become fond of him.

You slowly learnt about the strong points and weaknesses of the beast titan, as well as what Zeke himself likes and doesn’t like. He’s smart, _really_ smart, and every conversation with him gets you so invested in it that time passes by in the blink of an eye. You don’t lie to yourself, he’s also quite attractive.

After several months working with the Warriors, you came to the conclusion that you _are_ attracted to Zeke and not just on a physical matter. At your 23 years, you know how to handle liking someone without being too reckless, so you just let your attraction to Zeke be seen in subtle ways.

The kind gazes, the sweet voice tone you use only when talking to him, the deep thoughts you share with him and on one else, and other several discreet hints of your affections. At first you were perfectly fine with your feelings not being reciprocated, but the thing is, he _does_ reciprocate them with discreet actions, as you do.

He clearly likes having you around judging for how much time he spends with you when he could be doing literally anything else. There’s also the flirty tone in which he compliments the qualities he likes about you, whether your physical appearance or the fact that you’re witty and intelligent – maybe your IQ isn’t as high as his, but still, you’re pretty quick with your mind.

Though getting involved with Zeke has one main negative point for you: he’s a titan shifter. And that means he only gets to live 13 years after inheriting his titan. How many years are left for him? Probably five? Six? You don’t even want to think of it. So what’s the point of having something with him if he doesn’t even get to live one more decade?

Zeke is really a good catch, for sure, but is it worth it?

The day he was leaving for Paradis, the knot you felt in your stomach didn’t let you have your peace until you told him how you feel. You know he’s strong, smart, and can perfectly get by on his own, but still, you can’t help but feel worried about the possibility of him not coming back.

So before he goes, you go to his room, and tell him straight away, “War chief, I need to tell you something before you leave.” You stutter. “I– you– I feel–”

“I know.” He says in a gentle voice you’ve never heard from him. You understand that for now, it’s better if he doesn’t give you an answer. Because if he does, you both know he would say he likes you back. And if he doesn’t come back, that would be impossibly more hurtful for you.

So it’s better this way. For now.

Pieck left some days ago in order to bring him – and maybe the rest of the Warriors – back, and you’re a bit desperate at this point. Until the moment Porco barges into your room: they’re back. Your mind gets foggy, and only the thought of seeing Zeke prevails.

You’re quickly summoned by your superiors in order to check on the Warriors, and your eyes quickly look for him. You don’t even have time to be surprised by the return of Reiner, because your mind is only focusing on one thing: Zeke is badly injured.

“War chief!” You kneel next to him and quickly start tending to his wounds. The way back from Paradis to Marley isn’t precisely short, and he’s still self-healing. “What happened?” You ask Pieck.

“An Ackerman almost kills him.” You hear the cart titan’s unsettling voice behind you. “They managed to destroy Reiner’s armour and got Bertholdt.”

You click your tongue, a bit frustrated, but immediately shake your head and try to concentrate on accelerating Zeke’s healing. “Even the self-healing is taking too long. What do they feed soldiers in Paradis?” You mutter to yourself, but Zeke hears you and chuckles.

Once you all reach Zeke’s room, he sits on his bed and you on a chair next to him, and Pieck stays by your side – now in her human form – as she informs Magath of what happened when she and Zeke were away. “Reiner wasn’t joking when he warned me about that guy.” Zeke murmurs low enough so only you can hear him. His eyes go from you to the other people talking inside the room.

“All of this was caused by just one person? You’re losing your faculties, war chief.” You say nonchalantly as you bandage his wounds. “Does it hurt?”

“A bit, but I can take it. Been through worse.”

“Worse than _this_?” You slow and carefully press one of his open wounds with a finger, and he lets a painful groan. “I doubt it.”

“Is it very serious?” Magath asks as he walks towards both of you.

You take a closer look at Zeke’s injuries again. “It’s… deep, for sure. But he’ll be fine, he just needs to rest. A lot.” You quietly add. “Once he’s fully healed, I doubt he’ll stop being as effective and lethal as before.”

“Good. Make him recover quickly.” Magath orders dryly before leaving. You then look at Pieck, your hands not moving from Zeke’s body.

“How are you doing?” You softly ask her.

“I’m fine.” She then eyes her crutch. “I just need to stop walking on all fours.” Even if the laugh she lets is genuine, you can instantly tell she’s tired. Like, _really_ tired.

“Alright. If you need anything, let me know. You should take a break while you still can.”

“Right, I’ll be going.” She slowly heads towards the door, and turns her head just the slightest before speaking. “I guess you two need some alone time as well, so I’ll make sure no one disturbs you.”

You gasp out of surprise. “Don’t be ridiculous–” But Pieck has already left.

Clicking your tongue, you look away, unable to face Zeke with your now blushed face. Trying to get out of the uncomfortable silence you fell into, you speak up, “War ch–”

“You don’t need to be so formal anymore.” He cuts you off. “I told you before, just call me Zeke when we’re alone.”

You huff and stare blankly at the window. “Fine then, Zeke. Just ignore what she said.”

“If you want me to.” His eyes look for yours, but you don’t meet them. So Zeke keeps trying to have your attention focused on him before you even think of leaving the room. “Did she lie though?”

The way you scoff lets him knows the answer he’s looking for. Pieck isn’t lying, but a part of you sometimes wishes she was. “We don’t need to have this conversation right now.” You tell him dully. “You’re exhausted.”

You try to sit up, but he grabs your arm – he isn’t hurting you, but the grip is strong enough to keep you in place. “Stay.” You can’t tell if that’s an order or a plea. Maybe both.

“Why?” Your own question gives you conflicted feelings. Maybe you want him to say he needs you, or on the contrary, you want him to directly reject you so you can move on. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll take whichever answer he chooses to give you.

“Because I’ve been away for weeks, and I missed you.” You glance at him with wide eyes and a half-open mouth, clearly not expecting that. “Do I need to expose myself more, or is that enough?”

You cover your mouth with the back of your hand, trying to hide your impossibly redder face. “No, that’s– that’s more than enough.”

Zeke can see your silly little smile in your eyes. “Come here.” He says, and you instantly comply, sitting next to him. The rational part of your mind keeps telling you this is a bad idea, but your overwhelming desire for Zeke and the relief and joy of him being back cloud your senses.

He pulls you in for a kiss, and you happily kiss him back, letting him invade your mouth and lick everything he wants inside it, your tongues brushing in the process. You don’t offer any resistance either when his hand travels to your neck and then your collarbone, tracing your skin with his fingers before his lips make their way, sucking and biting with the clear intention of leaving more than one mark.

A weak whine leaves your lips, and you immediately sense his hot breath on your neck. “If you don’t want this, all you have to say is stop.”

Your hand goes to his head and you push it against your neck again, encouraging him. “Just keep going.” Even if you can’t see his face, you know he’s smirking.

Once he’s satisfied with all the marks he left, he kisses your lips again, his hands slipping underneath your shirt in order to take it off you. You do the work for him though, breaking the kiss and quickly tossing the clothing aside, immediately going to straddle his lap after it. “Eager one, aren’t you?”

With a cheeky grin, you push his chest so he’s lying on the bed and you hoover over him. To show him you’re not the only one who’s eager, one of your hands goes to his crotch. He’s already half-hard. “Looks who’s talking.”

He tries to switch your positions, but you push him down by his shoulders, carefully trying not to hurt him. Even in his state, he’s still stronger than you and could fight you if he wanted, but Zeke just lets you be. “Don’t overwork yourself, let me do this.” You tell him.

“I didn’t expect you to think so low of me.” He’s purposefully using a mocking tone, and clearly isn’t offended. “I may be injured, but I can handle being on top.”

“Shut it.” You tell him playfully before kissing him again. He’s shirtless, which makes it easier for you to trace your fingers through his toned chest. While he unclasps your bra, you take your time going from his lips to his neck, as he did with you before, but don’t dare to leave marks on your way.

“Don’t be afraid to go rough on me.” He tells you in a raspy voice.

“I don’t think the heads will be very happy if one of the Warriors suddenly shows up full of hickeys.”

He gives you an _I wouldn’t mind_ look, but doesn’t argue back. “What about you?”

“I’m just a doctor. Besides, it’s already too late for that.” You dismiss his protests as you trail kisses downwards until you reach his waist. Zeke wants to say you’re not _just a doctor_ for him, but any willing to talk back to you evaporates once he notices you take off his belt. “Should I?”

“Go ahead.”

The moment you get rid of his trousers, you brush your fingers over his erection, fully intending to tease him. “Is someone happy to see me?” You slur in a flirty tone.

His cock twitches uncomfortably. “Just get on with it.”

You look up at him, a wide smirk on your face. “Who’s eager now?” His hand immediately goes to your head and slightly pushes it down, urging you to get him inside your mouth already. Next thing you know, you’ve thrown his underwear across the room and your mouth engulfs him. You dive down and his hand moves to the back of your head, though Zeke isn’t trying to take control – because _you_ have it now.

You bob your head as you take as much of him as you can – he’s big, so it isn’t easy the first time. You keep going as you maintain your gaze on him, mesmerized by the sigh of the war chief Zeke Jaeger at your mercy. “Ugh– you’re good– have you done this before?” He says breathlessly.

You pull away just to answer him. “I have.” That reply makes Zeke’s chest burn with a possessive heat. He had contemplated the possibility of you being with other people before, but hearing it from your lips is another story. He pushes your head down almost forcing himself down your throat and it makes you gag for a moment, but you quickly recover and keep going, loving every sound he lets out.

Zeke senses he’s close, but he doesn’t want to come yet; he grabs a fist full of your hair and pulls at it so you’re not sucking him off anymore. Zeke’s hand travels from your hair to your face, squeezing your cheeks together as his eyes lock with yours. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“A lot. You look funny when you’re desperate.”

Zeke clicks his tongue and flips you over making you let a surprised squeak, and your first reaction is reaching his bandaged wounds. “Zeke, you don’t have to–”

“Hush.” He lifts your chin with a finger, making you look straight up at him. “You worry too much. Just relax, alright?”

All worries are gone from your mind the moment he starts brushing your most intimate area through your panties with a finger, eliciting a low whine from you. He smirks at you being impossibly wetter and is met with no resistance when he slips a finger between your folds.

“Oh–oh god.” Your panting, flushed expression is now face-to-face with his smug grin. You’re unable to give him the wary look you would be showing if you weren’t breathing shakily, since Zeke adds a second finger as he slowly starts moving them in and out of you, giving you from little to no time to even try to breathe properly.

“I knew you would be wet, but damn, this is really something.” His cocky expression unexpectedly turns you on even more. “Do you want me this much?”

“Why ask when you know the answer?” You reply between laboured breaths as your hips start rocking against his fingers.

“Hearing it from your lips is much more satisfactory in so many ways.” You’re perfectly aware of what he’s referring to: Zeke likes to be in control.

If you articulate your desires for him the way he wants you to, that will not only stroke his ego but also make Zeke feel like he has control over you. And the thing is, _you want him to_. He could’ve easily been in charge of the whole situation the moment he initiated it, but he allowed you to do it because he wanted to. Maybe except when you were sucking him off.

Of course you’re no match for Zeke when it comes to strength, but you’ve always known that, and you’re okay with it. Then finally, you speak up, “I do want you, Zeke. I’ve been wanting you for so long this almost feels unreal.” You whisper as if anyone else could hear you.

He twitches his fingers inside you making you moan and then kisses you, as if to reassure you that this is, in fact, real. “You really don’t know what your sounds alone are doing to me.” He says sensually before pulling out his fingers and licking them, tasting you as if he’s been wanting to do it for a while – because he has.

Zeke seems to like the taste, because just after taking off his glasses, he mimics what you did to him earlier, trailing kisses downwards until he reaches your inner thighs – pinching and sucking your hard nipples on his way. He pulls down your trousers followed by your panties and hears the way your breath hitches when you sense his hot breath near your core. Your body shakes a little, and he speaks, “It’s a little too late to feel nervous now, isn’t it?”

You look everywhere but where his face is. When he fingered you, he wasn’t seeing that intimate part of you, but now you’re in full display for him and you can’t help but feel a bit of embarrassment. “Don’t mind me, I’m just feeling shy all of a sudden.”

“You have nothing to worry about, I promise. Every single part of your body is gorgeous.” Praise comes out of his mouth. “Just as I imagined it would be.”

“You wha– ah!” His tongue getting into business interrupts any word and thought you could come up with. One of your hands goes to his head, and the other grips the sheets. His own hands go to your hips, holding you in place as he keeps nipping and sucking your clit. “Oh god– Zeke!” His name falling from your lips only encourages him to make you cum, but right now, that isn’t his goal.

He pulls out his tongue and your loud whine doesn’t go unnoticed by him. When he raises his head to look at you, he chuckles when his eyes find a little pout on your red, excited face. _Cute._ “Why did you stop?” You breathe.

“I don’t want you to come just yet.” He then moves to kiss you, making you taste yourself inside your mouth. “And you look funny when you’re desperate.” _This bastard._

You gasp out of indignation, but your already fuck-drunk mind doesn’t care about your pride enough to talk back to him. “You better shut up and fuck me.”

With a condescending grin you know too well, he puts his arms at both sides of your head. “Be a bit more polite and I might just give you what you want.” He positions himself at your entrance, teasing you, making you even more desperate.

“Zeke.” He shudders at your pleading tone. “Please.”

“Please what?”

“Leave an impression on me. Pound me hard enough to make me unable to walk.” Zeke literally _growls_ at your words and immediately enters you, not stopping until he’s fully inside you, and you take him without much issue as you both expected. Your ability to breathe disappears for some seconds, and he notices, pulling back just a bit to let you catch air before burying deep into you to the hilt again.

“Move.” You say in a whisper. “… Please.”

“As you wish.” His thrusts start in a gentle, slow pace in order for you to get used to it. Zeke glances at you with hazy eyes, only to find yours are half-open and full of pure _lust_. Your own vision is foggy, and you wrap your legs around Zeke’s waist, urging him to go both faster and deeper. The moment he gets what you want, his gentleness vanishes as he starts rocking his hips against your walls as hard as he can.

You notice his eyes go from your face to your neck, and you suspect he’s gazing at the bruises he left there earlier. The lust-filled, satisfied look in his eyes makes you leak even more around him. “If you only knew how much time I’ve been wanting to see you like this…” Your only response is a moan. “I couldn’t wait to make you mine.”

You lose control the moment he hits your g-spot, and he notices because of the way your walls contract around him. “Oh god– right there– please–” Your plea makes him _weak_.

“I’m aware.” He says in a husky voice. Aiming his thrusts in the same direction, Zeke doesn’t give you a moment of rest, going impossibly deeper and making it hard for you to not scream. Your nails dig into his back so hard it draws blood, but that thought doesn’t cross your mind as you only can focus on the way pleasure keeps building inside you.

Zeke kisses you, and you kiss him back even when you’re almost out of breath. You reach your climax the moment he bites your lower lip and you moan loudly inside his mouth. Zeke slows down just the slightest but still keeps moving to help you ride your orgasm, breaking the kiss to let both you and himself breathe again.

He knows he’s close, and when he’s about to reach his peak, he immediately pulls out, and you feel his hot release on your stomach. You can’t bring yourself to care though, still basking in post-orgasmic bliss. Zeke lets himself fall next to you as he regains his ability to move and pulls you closer. You let him hug you as you bury your head in his chest, still recovering.

None of you say a word for several minutes until Zeke breaks the ice, almost whispering in a gentle tone. “I’ll talk to the heads and tell them to give you a few days off. You’ve been working a lot recently.”

“You don’t have to–”

“Don’t complain and do as your war chief says.” You know him enough to recognize the non-commanding tone his voice holds. “Besides, you’ll be sore. You’ll need to rest as much as I do.”

You smile for yourself. Of course, he wouldn’t say that he cares. “Why taking so much trouble with me?”

“Because you’re my woman and I care about you.” Okay, you’re completely wrong. His honesty takes you by surprise and you raise your head to try to read his face – just in case he’s messing with you.

“I am?”

“I thought that was obvious.” Now you’re reasoning properly again, millions of thoughts about the big disadvantage of being in a relationship with Zeke fill your head.

You suppose he already considered the possibility of you having that thought, but still, you speak on it. “Zeke, I really love the idea, trust me, but–”

“I only have five years left.” Your chest tightens at his direct words. “I know you have an issue with that, and I understand why.” He looks like he has something more to say, but he doesn’t.

There’s also one thing you want to know, so you need to ask, “And what do you want?”

“I think you’re smart enough to know that.” Of course you are, but you want him to say it.

You take a deep breath before opening your mouth again. “If we end up having something, what will I do when you’re gone?” You try not to sound hurt but fail at it.

“Who knows. I can only ask for you to endure the pain when the times comes.” Comes his sincere reply. “Again, I won’t blame you if you don’t want to go through that.” He waits a bit before going on. “But,”

“But?” You encourage him.

“At the same time I want to not care about what you think and keep you for myself.” Your heart starts beating. “I want to be selfish and make you be with me even if that means you’ll eventually get hurt. I want you to be mine so bad that I’m starting to not think straight when it comes to you, and it frustrates me.” Your chest tightens as he lets each word out of his throat. “But I care.” He finally sighs. “And the final decision is obviously yours.”

You close your eyes and meditate about it. Zeke doesn’t rush you. Either if you choose to pursue a relationship with him or not, you’ll end up hurting anyways, because well; you love him either way. Though it would be significantly less painful if you’re not a thing, _but_ , you would have to spend the next five years living beside Zeke restraining your urge to touch, kiss and fuck him again. And of course, your feelings won’t be satisfied if your decision is to stay just comrades.

Maybe it’s worth the mourning you’ll have to go through if you get to live his left years showing how much you love him and vice versa. So, you finally speak your decision. “I want to be with you.”

You feel how his chest relaxes instantly. “Good.” He just says. With your head beneath his chin, you close your eyes and let yourself forget about the future, giving you two a deserved moment of peace. Life is short, so why not living it to the fullest.


End file.
